Hat Fetish

I readily admit that I have a problem when it comes to winter and new hats. I seem to need a new hat every winter. Granted, a well-intentioned member of the family has lost two of my winter hats, so in those cases I did not feel bad for the new hat purchases.

It just so happens that Kristen had ordered some things from REI and had them shipped to the store. Since I went climbing yesterday in Boulder (at the Hobo Cave again), I offered to pick up the package. Secretly, I think my brain was already forming the plan to search for a new hat. I've been growing increasingly tired of my current hat.

As I drove to REI to retrieve the package, I saw a guy wearing this really cool hat and I knew that my hat would be replaced. With my heart racing, I walked into the store and went directly to the hat section, starting with Prana hats. Prana has traditionally made the most impressive hats, so I always start with the best even though they tend to be the most expensive.

I was disappointed to discover that Prana's new line of hats were not to my liking. In a way, though, I was pleased because now I could look at the off brand hats to find one that was cheaper. I soon found a couple hats I liked, both from the same company. I quickly looked at the price in anticipation of my new-found bargain, only to realize that the off brand hat was MORE EXPENSIVE than the Prana hat! Oh no, I thought.

Unfazed by this new realization, I rushed to the fitting room. I definitely needed complete serenity and a full-length mirror to make the difficult decision of finding a hat that would keep me content throughout the winter season. The first hat was obviously NOT going to work. The second hat was perfect! It brought out the blue in my eyes and accentuated the handsome features of my face. Additionally, the second hat was cheaper than the first hat, thus confirming my decision that I was indeed making the right choice.

As I bought my new hat, I was both giddy with excitement and nervous for the encounter I was soon to have with my wife. I thought about ditching the receipt to discourage any potential hat return, but realized I would be dealing with the Queen of the Return, so that approach would be futile. Undeterred, I drove home, knowing that only the pressure of confrontation would help me solve my new hat dilemma.

I did not mention my new hat purchase right away, but soon built up the courage to mentioned I had, once again, fallen into the temptation and bought a new hat. A frustrated sigh quickly arose from the bowels of the Return Queen and the next question was obviously, "How much did it cost!" I tried to avoid the question by mentioning that it was an off brand and not Prana, but the diversion quickly deteriorated into the ultimate admission of the hat price. Silence filled the room when I mentioned the price and was quickly followed by, "No! You are taking that hat back!"

I soon found myself showing my dear sweet wife how good the hat looked on me, how it doubled as two hats because it looks good both over my ears and above my ears as well as Corban's inheritance of a new hat. At this last hat plug Kristen spun around, looking at Corban who was sitting that the kitchen table, wearing his "new" hat to which Corban gives Mom a cheesy grin with a double thumbs up for emphasis. That sealed the deal. We, well, Corban helped his hat- obsessed Dad successfully pulled of a new hat for the season. Maybe this hat will be the hat that lasts multiple season! Ha ha ha. Very funny!